Bizarre English names and some of their possible origins

Click Here is a new column in POTS Extra that will cover everything from high-traffic discussion threads to online oddities at www.forumosa.com, Taiwan’s most popular English-language Internet forum.

I ALWAYS used to think that a Chinese person ought to use a nice, simple English name to make it easier for non-Chinese unfamiliar with Mandarin pronunciations, let alone tones, to mix comfortably with them. Taiwan’s current foreign minister is named Mark Chen – about as bread and butter as you can get.

But what if he had adopted a different name?

Can you imagine Chen introducing himself to some US diplomat: “Hello, I’m Littleboy Chen,” or “Good evening, I’m Kunt Chen…you know, like the philosopher? Except it avoids the negative connotation of sounding like ‘can’t’.”

I’m sure that would boost Taiwan’s credibility in the international community.

Bemused Forumosans have so far put up almost 300 posts on the “Bizarre English Names” thread, which has over 8,000 hits.

Despite the fact that many foreigner English teachers here are required or requested to give their students English names, most of the whacked-out ones seem to have come from the Taiwanese person him or herself. Take for example your Elton Jin, a Taiwan salaryman, or your Genitalia Huang, a sales girl….

So, why on earth would someone insist on being called “Botel Tobago” or “Mars”? One Forumosa poster postulates that English names in Taiwan are simply a joke. While a foreigner’s Chinese name will be severely criticized as being not “Chinese” enough or not “suitable” in some way, Taiwanese just don’t understand that “Liver” isn’t a name for a human being.

To a large extent Taiwanese probably think of English names not so much as a joke, but as something to make them special. I mean who wants to be called Mary when you could be “Clitty”?

And unusual names are not only the invention of adults; 8-year-old Tyler decided all on his lonesome to spruce up his English name, changing it to T-Dog Hamburger. I expect we’ll be seeing him on Channel V before too long.

Of course not all names go down well. One mother sat through a class where the foreigner named all the kids on the first day. Her little darling was given the name of a famous action movie star. Well, at least he had the name for as long as it took for her to go home and consult a dictionary and find that “sly” meant shifty and someone you couldn’t trust…I think he’s Bob now.

Thankfully, not everyone searches for the most profoundly inappropriate English name they can come up with. One Forumosa poster tells the story of Aaron, a student who wanted an English name and consulted a book of names. Not wishing to belabor the process, he chose the very first name on the very first page.

You might be able to get someone to change their silly name as in the case of another Forumosa poster who says that he persuaded a mother to change her daughter’s name from “Dudu.” She did…to Barney.

Ultimately the old adage probably applies: What’s in a name? Everything or nothing.

So when you bump into “Strange Bacteria,” “Urine” (pronounced ureenaa, but you knew that), “Manduck” or “Titty,” tell them Wolf says hi.

 
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Wolf Reinhold is a moderator on www.forumosa.com, a discussion forum for Taiwan’s online community.